Memories Made......

This past weekend I was blessed enough to spend quality one on one time with TJ. With his work being in Alaska, his home in a different state, and his "days off" being limited, it leaves little time to see him in between. I truly value every second that I get to spend with him.

TJ has quickly grown to be one of my best friends.I feel blessed to have one thing that I have always wanted... a relationship with my best friend. I think it is important to be with someone whom you love and respect on a friendship level. It took us a while to get here, and I honestly can't say that I thought it ever would... But I am so glad that it did.

 

Over the weekend he left a lot of the decision making to me. I told him that I wanted to go downtown to see the lights at Temple Square. Actually, I specifically said " I want to go see the lights at Temple Square, drink hot cocoa, and hold hands". His response was "What is this the Notebook?" I was quick to say that it wasn't because it if was, I would have my house with blue shutters, and that clearly isn't the case right now.

Temple Square was great; the entire night was perfect. We started with dinner at Olive Garden, fought to find parking at Gateway, made a pit stop to Old Navy to buy two pairs of gloves for me, Almost saw a lady get hit by a car, people watched, gawked at the beautiful lights, strolled through City Creek, and had many laughs throughout the evening. In some way, not from a movie... it was the perfect night. I got to spend it with the one person whom I miss most.

It feels great to be in a healthy relationship. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh until my cheeks hurt. He is equally as goofy as I am, and I like knowing that I have a connection with him that he doesn't share with many others. He always makes me feel beautiful, and confident (not only in my appearance, but also in who I strive to become as a woman). He honestly makes me want to be a better person, and I love the sense of security I get just knowing that what we have is special.

Being with someone you don't see often is a challenge. There are days where I miss him so much that it hurts. But even when he is 2400 miles away, I feel good about my choice to take a chance on us. I feel proud to be his girlfriend. I am proud of him, and the man that he is. I am proud to show him off and to tell people about how happy he makes me.

I cherish the moments I spend with him, because they don't come very often. I value what we have, and I am grateful to have him in my life.

Cheers to the memories made with those that hold value in our lives.

The Magnetic Glow

I miss you today, like every other that you aren't around. Which in our case, is far more often than not. Having you in my life has brightened my world. Valuing your friendship, is something I find myself doing everyday. You are mine now. I like the way that rolls off of my tongue. I'm glad I don't have to share you, and I'm glad you trust me enough to let me into your life.

The past year and a half has been such a roller coaster ride. Dating, finding myself, balancing work and family life... Piecing myself back together..... At times, this year and a half has seemed like an eternity. Looking back now however, its been a breeze. Having you in my life has somehow grounded me. You have been that constant in my life that I have found myself looking to for answers... assurance... in a sense, that everything will be OK.

You have this magnetic pull on me. You always have; I have told you this. I have never understood it. Even in the spurs where we haven't spoken for extended periods of time, I found myself thinking about you. I remember that day seven season changes ago when you appeared out of no where. I had no idea that this time later, we would be where we are today.

What I do know, is that I am forever grateful for you. I am forever grateful to know that you haven't gone anywhere and that we are both much stronger individuals than we were those seven seasons ago. We have grown so much on our own, while supporting one another. That to me, is something I will cherish always.

Life is crazy. God works in ways that we can't explain. He places others in our lives for a reason, season, or a life time. With you however, He has placed you in my life for a reason, multiple seasons... and if I'm lucky... a lifetime.

I don't expect anyone to understand why I have decided to be in a relationship with someone that I hardly ever see, nor do I care to share the details. They can't see how you make me feel. You make me smile, even being thousands of miles apart. I'm happy to know that I am yours. You make me feel beautiful and confident. My admiration for you radiates from within.... Having you in my life, fills me with comfort.... Having you in my life, makes my heart glow.

That's more than enough for me.

Mine

You make me happy. Being with you, as strange as our relationship may be, feels right. You are the person that makes me feel complete. You are the one who has my heart; you have since I began piecing myself together a year and a half ago.

I know things between us, our situation, are complicated. But with you, is where I want to be. You make me feel comfortable with myself, you make me feel secure in who I am. You make me feel beautiful and sexy. You make me feel like I think a woman should. I value what we have. I value that we are building a relationship on the foundation of a friendship.

I love who you are and I am proud to be a part of your life.

To the person who I always miss, I miss you still, but smile because I can call you mine.

The three P's :)

Twisting, turning, winding, bending.... Those are the words I would use to describe the direction that my life is going at the moment. Lately I have been learning that even though its hard to take accountability for the things you feel disrupt your life, its shouldn't break the person you wish to be. Life is about experience; its about accomplishments, failures, hardships, and loss. Life is about learning to be someone you feel is a better version of yourself from who you were a day before. Those who judge you based on your past shouldn't be in your present and future. Today is a different day. Sometimes all it takes is waking up and realizing that you don't want to be that person anymore. Tho its hard to change, and it doesn't happen over night; Little steps can be taken each day to improve on the person you are.

There is no perfection in life. There is no "end" to the story. The only thing constant in life is change. Changing for the better is what we always hope for.

I have made mistakes recently. I have said things and done things that I am not proud of; but what I remind myself of is this..... Yesterday was in the past, today is the beginning of my future. My future is bright simply because I choose to make it that way.

My life is messy. I am not perfect. I have made mistakes. I will continue to make mistakes, but I will not allow myself to be brought down because of the fears I have of what others' think of me. The only person who can really judge me, is myself. I am my own worst critic and I am the only one who determines my happiness. Its time to make that happiness a constant in my life. Its time to close the last chapter in my book of life, and start writing a new one; the time is now.

Prayer, positivity, and passion.... Those are the three things I will strive to make constant in my life as of now. Prayer for support, positivity for balance, and passion for change and all of the things good in my life.

"Life ain't always beautiful, but its a beautiful ride."

................... Happy fall y'all ;)

My drum, My happiness, My parade.

Life experiences.... Lately, I think it is less of a plural and more of a singular kind of thing. To me, I learn something new about myself on a daily basis. I feel like I have become a much stronger person over the course of the past 3-4 years; a great deal of that growth has come in the past year a lone. Being single has allowed me to have a relationship with myself. Its allowed me to see myself for what I am worth, not for the worth I wish to be in someone else's life. My mind is stronger, my thought process is more clear, my heart is bigger, and my level of happiness radiates beyond imaginable.

Lately others have been asking me what is so different about me. I tell them its simple, I am happy. Granted I have lost over 20 lbs., but I honestly just feel like by soul searching and taking care of myself mentally and emotionally, I have become a better version of myself. I care less about people that are only around to benefit themselves; I exercise my mind and body more; I surround myself by others that motivate me and seem to bring out the "glow" within me. I don't talk much about my feelings to others, I don't think that will change. What has changed most is that I accept myself for the person that I am. I feel like there is always room for improvement on one's self. But my love for myself, isn't going to change unless is becomes greater.

It hits you hard when you realize the value you hold in one's life. Whether that value be gold, or of rusted metal, it shows you a little bit about yourself. By that I don't mean that their perception of you should factor in on how you value you worth; I mean that depending on how you take that interpretation, you can learn a lot about yourself.

I know my worth, I know I am a good person and deserve to be happy. I will not settle for less than that, relationship wise, or friendship wise. I value myself. I value my heart, and I value my feelings towards life and myself.

Right now, I am not searching for anything other than who I am. I have always said that; but I think I'll always be searching. To me, the journey of self discovery is one that is endless. People change, time changes, experiences shape us and mold our minds in to different forms of ourselves. Or maybe, its just me. Either way, I am not worried about the journey of others... Unless their journey of self discovery crosses the path of my own. Until then, I march to the beat of my own drum, and dance through the rain of my own parade.

Happy Fall.... May you surround yourself with others whose presence cause your love and happiness to radiate.

Cheers to Chelsea

"Hi my name is Chelsea, do you want to be my friend?" That was the first sentence that my best friend of countless years ever spoke to me. Seventeen birthdays later, and she is still my best friend. I can not thank God enough for bringing that little blue eyed, curly haired, ruffled sock, poofy dressed, ballerina bun headed tomboy in to my life. Who would have thought that several moves, the most heart wrenching of heart breaks, and almost 20 years later she would still be in my life?

We are polar opposites in more ways than we are similar, but we understand each other perfectly. We can tell if something is wrong with the other just by the sound of each other's voice. We claim each others families' as our own.I can't remember a Christmas morning that hasn't had her family in it since the first year we met.

States away, miles apart... She has been there for me in some of the worst moments of my life. She has been the shoulder that I cried on until I had nothing left in me. She has helped me see the lights in my darkest hours.She has helped me realize my worth and been inspiration to never settle for less than what I deserve. 

She has been a part of most of the memories which I cherish most.... I would be lost without her in my life.

She is beautiful inside and out and has one of the biggest hearts of anyone you will ever cross. She is selfless, genuine, hard on the exterior with a heart of gold. She is unorganized, goes with the flow, and hardly ever panics or plans... But that is why we work so well. She is the balance in our friendship; she really is my polar opposite. 

I could go on for days about how much her being a part of my life means to me. I could go on for years about the memories she is a part of in my life. And I could go on for eternity about the wonderful person that she is. But the fact is, if you haven't met her, you are missing out. I thank the Lord every day for being able to call her my friend. I can't imagine the person I would be if she never asked to be my friend that day in our single digit years. I can't imagine what my life would be like if we had lost touch somewhere after that. She has given me more over the years than I would ever be able to repay her for. I am a better person because of the example she sets for me. She is the best friend I never asked for, and the support in my life I wouldn't know how to function without.

Happy Birthday to one of the best people in my life. Thank you for being the spit fire, balls to the walls, tender hearted, genuine friend that you are. Thank you for always being yourself, and showing others that its important to never lose the person that they are under any circumstances. You are part of the reason I am the woman I am today. I am a better person for having your support in times of the good, the bad, and the in between. I can't even begin to describe how much our friendship means to me. I truly would be lost without you in my life. You deserve all that is great.

<3 <3 <3 Cheers to the past, present, and the years to come. <3 <3 <3

My life in the now....

My life as of lately......My life lately consists of: chaos, school, work, gym (very little), family, crafting, friends, sunsets, sunrises, rainstorms, smiles, love, novels, swimming, birthdays, and good conversations.

Jaxon turned three on June 4, 2012.... He is the one to first shed some light on to this world that I often refer to as my beautiful mess. He changed my life forever. My view on love and what it was non existent until the day that he was born. Since then, I have grown to love him more and more each day. He is 1/3 of the most important piece of my life.

Jayden and Kayson celebrated their first birthday on July 21,2012. They are the missing 2/3 of the most important piece of my life. It amazes me how much one baby entering this world can change your life, add one extra and it really is just "that much harder".

Living at home, with all of my "room mates" really is difficult sometimes. We don't always see eye to eye. We fight and get annoyed with one another. But, rather than look at it as a burden, I try to see it as a blessing. I get to be a part of my niece and nephews live's in a way that I wouldn't have gotten to if I never left Cacey, or decided to move out on my own right after that. Every day, their laughter and kisses softens my heart in a way that I can only compare to what it would be like if they were my own kids. They complete me.

Rather than spending time trying to figure out what direction my life should be going, I have been spending more time letting it flow on its own. I spend less time worrying about things and more time enjoying them. I spend more weekends with no make up. I spend less time worrying about the calories I am taking in, and spend more time savoring the flavors I love most. I spend less time worrying about getting a sun tan, and more time watching the sun set or listening to thunderstorms. I read more, and sometimes make an ass out of myself and I laugh out loud during cardio sessions while reading books by Chelsea Handler. I care more about my self... And even less about what other's think of me. I struggle in school and complain about how difficult it is... But I am so happy that I am going to classes. I get lonely, but I realize that its better to be lonely sometimes, than feel as lonely as I did in a relationship two years ago. I love myself and I enjoy my life. I love good conversations and enjoy cool summer nights..... And though my life isn't exactly where I thought it would be a few years ago... Its a better life than I thought it could be.

Savor the moments, cherish the little things that make you smile. You never know what tomorrow brings...

The next chapter

Life. It's crazy. In an instant, it can take off like wildfire. As of lately, my life seems  to have done just that. School, gym, family, friends, work. Repeat same tasks, but in a different order. My life, in a a few words: Messy, complicated, simple, beautiful. Its funny to me that all of the words I use to describe my life are complete opposites, yet they mesh so well.

I'm in love with smiles, I'm in love with laughing. I'm in love with the good days, and I embrace the bad. Because in some weird way, even the bad days are beautiful. After all, without the bad we never know how sweet the good truly is. I have surpassed the bad, I'm relishing in the good. I'm savoring the moments when my smile dances across my face and the memories those smiles make..

My life is carefree. I am care free. I feel liberated for the first time in over a year. I'm happy to know that I have control of my heart once again. I'm ecstatic to feel like I am ready to freely give my heart to someone that is worthy of having it. No, this is not the beginning of a search for my prince charming. It is a beginning to an unknown path of living life and loving myself with the possibilies of finding another worthy of my love. This is the beginning to the next chapter of my life.

I'm happy..... And it feels so damned good.

One Year Later

I look at my life and where I was on April 24, 2011, and I can't help but be proud of where I stand today. Numb, angry, lost, tired...broken... That is what I remember feeling a year ago today. The day that Cacey and I parted ways is referred to as the worst day of my life. And in ways, it was....It was the first time in my life I had I had felt like I truly failed at something that really meant something to me.... I still tear up today when I think about it, but I cry for different reasons now. Since then, I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions and events.

I have said goodbye and knowingly had my "last kiss". I have left a family, a home, a life with someone I thought (at least for a while) would be the one to walk me down the isle. I have boxed up memories, burned others. I have spent countless nights trying to figure out what went wrong, no matter how much I knew it wouldn't change anything. I have been angry, bitter, lonely, lost and broken all over again. "Broken" will always be a part of my cycle on how I cope with things.

To be broken isn't always a bad thing. To me, it's key in reconstruction. It gives you the option to "fix" who you are, or to demolish who you were and rebuild who you are from scratch. In the past, I have gone down the road of "fixing". This time, I demolished for reconstruction.... This time, I have learned that the construction of myself is a life long process.

I'm not perfect and there are plenty of days I get discouraged and think that my life is nothing like I thought it would be at the age of 24. I always felt I would be married, have kids, or at least be engaged and planning that next chapter of my life. Sure, I may be single, not ready for marriage, and definitely not ready for children... But I find myself smiling more than I ever have before. I have made more memories, laughed more and loved more in the past year than I ever remember in my short 24 years of life. That to me is living, because it's the little things each day that make the memories in which I will smile about tomorrow.

Today I am full of love, gratitude, strength, self worth, happiness and understanding. I love my life, and I love myself. I love the friendships I have created, strengthened and gained this past year. I love knowing that the power of prayer does work and that laughter and love are contagious. I love knowing that I don't need a companion to determine my happiness and that I am comfortable in my skin. I love knowing that this year I have so many wonderful things to look forward to... So many memories to make and so many smiles to share. I love looking at the world through eyes filled with love once again, because seeing the world through eyes of love is a world like no other.... I love so many things about this year, but the one thing I love most about it is that I am the one that got me here. Cacey said that one day I would understand and thank him for letting me go because he held me back. He was wrong, I will never thank him for that because he made that decision for me. What I do understand from all of this is what is key, and that is that I am the one that determines my own happiness. And this year, I have done exactly what I said I would... I have started a lifelong journey of self love and self happiness. I have learned that I am lovable and that my time will come. But until it does, I am perfectly content living in, and loving this beautiful mess of a life.

Missing someone

Things jump out at me lately, things that remind me of you. It makes me wonder if they are signs like some people would think, or just merely a coincidence because you are subconsciously on my mind. Either way, I don't mind it.

I find myself doing that more often than not these days. Thinking of you. Not in the "I love you, I need you" kind of way. More of the "I wish you were here so I could hold your hand and tell you something funny that happened today kind of way."

You have this strange way of making me completely comfortable and calm, though it hasn't always been that way. I think its comfortable now because I am comfortable with who I am.

I never would have thought in a hundred years that our relationship would have developed into what it has. Deep. Honest.... A real friendship.  I value what we have, even if it is somewhat of a twisted friendship. Weird to the outside eye, but understandable to me because I feel its raw honesty.

I prefer it that way. It feels untouchable, free from others to assume what "this is" or what "it should be". It feels like it is the one relationship I have with someone that isn't evaluated. It flows effortlessly without being forced. Its beautiful because it's real, honest, and private. And even though I miss you, I expect nothing from you. I am comfortable from where I stand. I am comfortable with our twisted friendship, even if it is misinterpreted from the outside eye.

I am comfortable missing you, because I know you miss me too.... Even if it isn't in the "I love you I need you" kind of way.

Happy Birthday Mama!!!!

Happy Birthday to the most beautiful, genuine, loving woman I know.. My mama! 

Every day my mom sets a great example for me. There is no other mom that be a better or a more fitting mother than the one I have. She is the perfect mom for me. She is loving, kind, genuine, spiritual, accepting, understanding, compassionate and a hero.

She loves her children and grand children enough to put us first. She has taught my sister and me to value the one we love and the families in which we create. I love knowing that I have such a great example of marriage to look at and think that "Maybe one day, I will find someone to share my life with, and have a love like my parents do." My mom married her best friend. She and I always joke about how big of a stud my dad is.. But the truth is, neither one of us are kidding. My dad is a stud, and I love knowing that my mom is so in love with my dad. They are happy, which in return makes me happy.

My mom has also been my emotional dragon slayer since day one. I can't even begin to tell you all how many times my mother has rescued me, it started as young as three and four years old. I loved the days when she'd get off work early to take my sister and me to lunch...Or when she started going to work extremely early just so she could pick me up from day care on time because she knew how much I hated it. I wasn't old enough to tell time yet, but my mom gave me a watch and told me what time she would be there to pick me up. "When the little hand is on the 2 and the big hand is on the 9 I will be here to get you".... I know it still gets to her because she still tears up when she tells me how heart breaking it was to see my "crocodile tears" as I held on to the chain linked fence waiting for her like it was the end of the world.... My mom was also the person to give me some of the most important advice that I have ever received. While going through my first "real" heartbreak she said "I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's absolutely horrible. But Nicki, you will never truly know what love is until you have had your heart broken at least once, and broken at least one heart.".... I didn't understand it at that moment, but she was absolutely right. That day was a milestone for me. It opened my eyes to show me that even when I was sluffing school, and swearing on the phone for the first time in front of my mother... She would be there and love me unconditionally. That is also the same month I gaged my own ears. I remember trying to hide it from her, until I laid my head in her lap one night when I was crying from a broken heart. She just pulled my hair back in the way mothers do to comfort their child and said "Nicki..." Even though I could hear the discomfort in her voice, she said nothing else because she knew that all I needed was for her to do exactly as she was, comfort me.

My mom has put up with a lot from me, but she has never been one to judge me or the things that I have done. For that, I am truly grateful. She loves me unconditionally and accepts me for the good and the bad. She might not agree with all of the decisions that I make, or my lifestyle choices, but she loves me as I am.

Everyday I notice something about myself that was influenced by my mama. Where it be the way that I lick my fingers to smooth down my fly aways,  my green eyes, or my love for Life time and country love songs. My mom is also one of the most compassionate and loving people you will ever meet. I don't know anyone else that loves animals more than she does. We have nick named her the "tree hugger" because she hates to even think about an animal (even a mouse) being hurt.... I get that from her too. :)

I love my mom because she loved me enough to bring me into this world. I love her for the woman that she was, is and will continue to be. I love her for the great examples she sets each day and for the joy she brings to my life. I love my mom for teaching me to be the woman that I am, and for standing by me as I figure out the woman I want to be. My mom truly is the best mom I could ever ask for. I am so thankful that I picked the perfect family for me. I know I am not perfect, but I have the perfect parents to love me, imperfections and all.

Happy Birthday to my mama. I could never love another mother as much as I love mine.

Love,
Her baby

Angry Gusts of Wind

I feel strong today. I feel like it's ok to rid myself of you completely. I feel like we were a waste of time even though I know its not true, Feeling that way, and knowing that makes me sad. It's easier to be angry instead of hurt sometimes. So today, I will be angry. Tho through that anger, I still feel happiness. Its bittersweet.

I'm angry with you and for leaving things unsaid about what really happened (even though I know it won't do any good to know now)... I feel happiness, because I feel stronger than I thought possible up to this point in my life.  My friends, the family that is beside me, and the options that I have to do as I please with my life is what makes me smile everyday.

.......I don't thank you for that. You letting me go, wasn't what was best for me. You don't get to make that choice, I do. Telling others you are sorry for how I felt, and that I deserve better  was not what I expected from you. That is just a cowardly way of saying you had stopped caring....  I'm angry because instead of telling me how YOU felt, you blamed our failures on the timing. There is never a right time to discuss a topic in which you know the other person will feel pain. But I feel like I deserved the honesty of how you felt from the moment your heart fell out of love with me.

Either way, you are gone. You have moved on. You were the one that said "We need time to find ourselves." .... I cannot speak for you in saying whether or not you have found yourself. I can however, speak for myself when I say I feel you were looking for an escape. You found it.

As for me, I have moved forward. There are days that I still think about you, but I no longer let you get the best of me. I smile often, and think of you sometimes. When I do, those thoughts pass as quickly as a gust of wind. I feel good about that. They say to send thoughts of light and love to those that anchor your heart down... For you, I send nothing because I feel nothing. I don't think you would be offended by that. 

I have released the burden that my love for you had placed on my heart. I don't feel relief because of it, or feel that is was an accomplishment. I feel the same, only stronger. The difference is that I smile more lately. I laugh to the point that my stomach hurts. I no longer hate the opposite sex and I feel gitty when I talk to someone that I am attracted to. I love myself as I am. I feel beautiful as I am. I feel this way because of me... No one can take credit for that.

The Chase

"Let them chase you." ... That always seems to be the comment I get from others when I become interested in someone. I don't know why, but I don't feel like it should be about anyone chasing anyone. Life is too short to wait to be chased. I know I am 23, but I feel much older than I am. 

I feel like waiting for someone to chase me, isn't the correct interpretation of who I am. I want the person I end up with to know me as I am, good traits and bad. Sure, maybe they will pull away, in most cases that happens at some point. But to me, being honest up front is the best way to start a relationship because it shows who you are from the very beginning.

Why pretend that you aren't interested in someone if you truly are? Why play hard to get? Sure, I get it.... "Make them want you. Make them see that you are worth chasing"... I just don't feel that its for me. I know I who I am. I know I am worth it.

I hope for someone to love me just like the rest of this world does, I just don't feel I need to put myself  on the back burner in the mean time to do so.

Love for me will come. It will come when its the right time.. (If the right time even exists). When it does, I will embrace it, on my terms. But I refuse to sit here and play a game of cat and mouse to "bait" a man to walk into my life.

Love me as I am, and in return I will do the same. The most beautiful things in life develop naturally, so why shouldn't the most beautiful feeling we as humans feel develop the same way?

Let it be, love will come on it's own terms...And when it does embrace the possibilities.

-Nicki

Work in Progress Heart

I woke up feeling extremely angry and bitter this morning. Angry because I feel like I haven't gotten closure from some past events in my life, and bitter because I have allowed myself to hold on to the anger. I have been toying with ideas of how to cut that anger out of my life, and I had come up with some solutions. All of them were good, but some were and are going to be hard to follow through with. It's hard sometimes when cutting anger towards one person effects your relationship with others. Unfortunately, ridding myself of this negative energy involved doing so. But I like to think that they would understand and not take it personal. If they don't understand however, I'm sorry and I apologize.

My life right now is up and down. For the most part, I have really good days. But with all good days, we have to have our share of bad days. I enjoy being single (for the most part), but mainly I don't think it would be fare to myself or the other individual, if I were in a relationship right now. Today has put in to prospective that I really am not in the right mind set just yet to take that leap. Tho I continue to work on myself daily, I don't feel that I fully know/love myself yet.

I know I'm great person. I know I am deserving of someone that will not fill a void, but become the other half to my "work in progress heart". I know that in order to love that person, I have to love myself.  And today I learned this; Love is patience.

I was talking to a friend of mine today about what has been going on in our lives. I told her how I was feeling and how angry I was. She expressed to me that she and her husband were continuing to work on their relationship and in doing so, decided to do the 40 Day Love Dare Challenge. For those who don't know what that is don't worry, I didn't either. It's a for couples to help strengthen their relationship. It's Christian based (Each challenge is related to a verse from the bible). I asked her to explain a little bit of what the challenge was and the first thing she said was "Love is Patience". I found it ironic or that for some reason I was supposed to hear that today. She told me that the book is for couples, but really it would be good for anyone. It teaches you how to love your self in a way, and also to love others. "Love is patience" stuck out to me.

"Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator, and has far

greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always
does what is best for others, and can empower us to face the
greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love.
Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love
changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful
with it. No marriage is successful without it.

Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those
pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are
extensions of these two attributes. And that's where your dare will begin.
With patience.

Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you
choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative
situation. You are slow to anger. You have a long fuse instead
of a quick temper. Rather than being restless and demanding,
love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those
around you. Patience brings an internal calm during an external
storm. "

I really needed to hear that today. I needed to hear that through loving myself, my patience for the things that effect me most negatively will over power all.

Love really is the most powerful motivator. It really is needed like our lungs need oxygen.

Love is the one thing that unifies us. Love is the one thing that unifies us, with who WE are inside.

For now, I continue to work on loving myself.

Nicki

What. The. World. Needs. Now... IS LOVE.. SWEET LOVE!!!!

For all of those people that hate Valentines Day, I just don't understand you. "It's a waste of money." "It's so commercialized." "Why do you have to have a day to celebrate your love with someone when you celebrate it everyday?!"... (That one is my personal favorite!).... To answer that last question.... NO ONE CELEBRATE THEIR LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP EVERYDAY!!!!!!!! ..... How do I know this? Because I was practically married for two years and there were days that I wanted to kill him. (Well not literally, but you get the point)

Love is the one thing in the world that makes everything beautiful. When you look at the world through eyes of love, the air smells better, the colors around you seem more vibrant, and yes; life seems sweeter.

Valentines Day is one of my favorite holidays. I love going the extra mile on that day to show the person I am with that I truly care about them. Valentines Day doesn't mean you have to spend hundreds of dollars to see that person smile.. it means that you do something a little extra to show that person you take pride in your relationship and that you feel your love DOES DESERVE to be celebrated!

My most memorable Valentines Day comes from my high school boyfriend. Neither one of us had a lot of money, neither one of us were nor are we now superficial... So for Valentines Day he cooked me dinner, we exchanged small gifts and letters we had written to one another, and we spent the night watching movies together cuddled up on the couch.

Valentines Day has nothing to do with spending money. To me, the most heart felt gifts/memorable are the ones that are sentimental. Take time to write that special someone a letter professing what exactly it is that makes you grateful to have them in your life. Make them a card, a picture frame of the two of you in it, or even a freaking macaroni necklace! It doesn't matter what it is, its the thought that counts.

Love is beautiful, and YES, it should be celebrated every day! If we can have a holiday to honor our country, our Father in Heaven, the birth of Christ, our Freedom, and the dead... Why can't we have a holiday to celebrate the one thing that makes this world beautiful... LOVE!

Even though I don't have a special someone to share this day with at this time in my life, I remain happy and humble. I love LOVE and I love celebrating LOVE. If you have that special someone in your life, I hope you take the time today to honor your love and let them know how much it means to you to have them in your life.

Cherish LOVE. Cherish the light it brings into your life! You never know when it might be taken from you.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Nicki

Happy Birthday to My Papa

Happy Birthday to my dad, the best man I know! I am so grateful to have a father like him. I know that all kids say "I have the best dad in the world."... And of course I feel that way, but beyond that, I feel that I have the best dad for ME. What I mean by that is that I don't know any other father that could hold a place in my heart like he does. My dad is my hero. He is the man that I look up to most because he has always been there for me. The older I get the more I realize how amazing my parents are.... And the older I get, the more I realize how much I need and love having the father that I do in my life. I have never felt closer to him than I have this past year. The first time I realized this was Easter Sunday of last year . That is still probably the worst day of my life up to this point in my 23, almost 24 yrs of life; and the one person I needed that day was my dad.

One of my fathers greatest qualities is that he is relaxed. He has this way of calming you down and making you feel as if everything will be alright, even when if feels like the end of the world. I guess that is a quality needed when you are a father to two emotional daughters whose tear ducts open like flood gates on a regular basis, and husband to the emotional mother in which we get our "emotional gift" from. I feel that I can speak for all of us when I say that he has held our family together... Even in times when we weren't ok individually or as a unit.

My father is the hardest working man I know. He has always provided for our family to make sure that we have not only had what we needed, but what we wanted. During our hardest times when he been out of work , he has worked side job after side job to make sure we had not only the necessities, but he also made sure that my sister and I had what we wanted in order to keep doing the things we loved. I think sometimes the hardships that we face as a unit is what pulls us closer together. I have never felt closer to my family than I have in the moments we have experienced hardships like that.


The reason I love my dad most is because I honestly know that no matter what decision I make in life, he will always love me. I am not perfect, nobody is. But everyday my dad gives me the greatest gift he could ever give me, love and acceptance.

I can only hope that one day I end up with someone as great of a man as he is. He is corky, smart, easy going, handsome :) , a provider, witty, honest, loyal, family oriented, and all around a hero. He loves his family more than anything and everyday he does what he can to make us proud. That to me is what makes him so wonderful... Everyday he tries his best to always be the great example that he is.

Thank you to him for all that he has done, and continues to do each and every day. I can only hope to be as great of a parent to my kids that he has been, and will continue to be to me.

Love Always,
Nick

Cheers!

Happiness... That is my New Year's Resolution...


Cheers to eating what I want, exercising when I want, dating who I want, traveling where I want and making memories to last a life time. I'm loving life just "doin' me". This is my year in one way or another. It's my year to grow as an individual and smile constantly. It's my year to pave the rest of my life... It's my year to accept myself as me and to continue to love myself inside and out....

I smile more these days and I feel TRUE HAPPINESS within. That is something that no one can take away from me.

Cheers to 2012! :)