Work in Progress Heart

I woke up feeling extremely angry and bitter this morning. Angry because I feel like I haven't gotten closure from some past events in my life, and bitter because I have allowed myself to hold on to the anger. I have been toying with ideas of how to cut that anger out of my life, and I had come up with some solutions. All of them were good, but some were and are going to be hard to follow through with. It's hard sometimes when cutting anger towards one person effects your relationship with others. Unfortunately, ridding myself of this negative energy involved doing so. But I like to think that they would understand and not take it personal. If they don't understand however, I'm sorry and I apologize.

My life right now is up and down. For the most part, I have really good days. But with all good days, we have to have our share of bad days. I enjoy being single (for the most part), but mainly I don't think it would be fare to myself or the other individual, if I were in a relationship right now. Today has put in to prospective that I really am not in the right mind set just yet to take that leap. Tho I continue to work on myself daily, I don't feel that I fully know/love myself yet.

I know I'm great person. I know I am deserving of someone that will not fill a void, but become the other half to my "work in progress heart". I know that in order to love that person, I have to love myself.  And today I learned this; Love is patience.

I was talking to a friend of mine today about what has been going on in our lives. I told her how I was feeling and how angry I was. She expressed to me that she and her husband were continuing to work on their relationship and in doing so, decided to do the 40 Day Love Dare Challenge. For those who don't know what that is don't worry, I didn't either. It's a for couples to help strengthen their relationship. It's Christian based (Each challenge is related to a verse from the bible). I asked her to explain a little bit of what the challenge was and the first thing she said was "Love is Patience". I found it ironic or that for some reason I was supposed to hear that today. She told me that the book is for couples, but really it would be good for anyone. It teaches you how to love your self in a way, and also to love others. "Love is patience" stuck out to me.

"Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator, and has far

greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always
does what is best for others, and can empower us to face the
greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love.
Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love
changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful
with it. No marriage is successful without it.

Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those
pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are
extensions of these two attributes. And that's where your dare will begin.
With patience.

Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you
choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative
situation. You are slow to anger. You have a long fuse instead
of a quick temper. Rather than being restless and demanding,
love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those
around you. Patience brings an internal calm during an external
storm. "

I really needed to hear that today. I needed to hear that through loving myself, my patience for the things that effect me most negatively will over power all.

Love really is the most powerful motivator. It really is needed like our lungs need oxygen.

Love is the one thing that unifies us. Love is the one thing that unifies us, with who WE are inside.

For now, I continue to work on loving myself.

Nicki