Dreams and reality

I had a dream last night that I have been thinking alot about today. While on a drive I discovered a few more things about it that I can relate to in real life.... For those of you who know me well, I am someone that tries to remember my dreams so I can look them up. I have found that in all of my dreams there is something that my subconscious mind is telling me. I sort of use it as a guide. And just about every time.. My dreams are dead on and relate to something in my present life. There is one dream that I have not shared with many people. Maybe just 2 or 3. But this dream in particular is one of the main things that led me stop drinking. Even though I was not an alcoholic, I had a dream one night that really disturbed me.... I had a dream that I was upset about something. I don't remember what it was, but I was hysterical. And in my dream the first thing I thought of was " I need a drink " . I continued to search frantically for something... anything I could find. And when I found it, I looked at the bottle that I pulled from the freezer and thought to myself "What are you doing? Why are you doing this?!" When I woke up, I knew that I needed to change. It made me realize that I used alcohol as a void to forget the ghost in my past.... Now I know that I didn't need to tell that little story... But really it somewhat has to do with my life and where I am at this point. Because giving up alcohol was the first major step to my self discovery.

I am not perfect... I do sin. I am strong enough to admit it. But I know what I want out of my life and I KNOW that I have made changes in it for the better. And it really does sadden me to see how much easier it would have been to just listen to my parents... Yes I said it.... but then again, I honestly don't know if I would feel the same and want the same things with as much heart and desire as I do now. I think that I needed to find out for myself through making mistakes just how important and wonderful it is to have the gospel in my life. Because now that I can feel Him again, I know that I am not alone. I can count on Him to help me through anything.... all I have to do is ask.............

In my dream last night I was faced in a situation that just didn't feel right. I was with old friends and we came upon a group of LDS kids around my age and immediately my old friends started making remarks... Extremely rude remarks that made me uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do... Or what to say.... The group of LDS kids just stopped and looked at us and after a minute looked down. I immediately began to pray, asking God to please comfort me and forgive me and my friends. To forgive me for not having the strength to put a stop to it. And forgive my friends for not understanding. And when I opened my eyes I walked past them and realized that they were praying... What were they praying for? I have no idea still. But as I walked by them in my dream, there was a sense of comfort. And I felt at ease.

This was not the first dream I have had where I turned to prayer or God for help. Lately I have them quite often. But its comforting to me that even in my dream, he answers my prayers. He really is there. And it makes me feel bad to realize how long it took me to see that. But its better late than never.

I read a scripture recently that I have taken to heart. Its in Matthew 5:16 and reads " Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. " Since the day I read that I have been trying to be a better person. I have been trying to remember what I stand for, and the person I want to be. I have come a long way... But there is room for improvement. I slip up from time to time, but I know that all I have to do is ask and He will be there. Not because he has to be... But because he loves me and wants to see me succeed. And I finally understand what those that love me most were always talking about.... I just wish I knew of a way to give my knowledge to the people I care about that I see searching for the answers..... The people that are lost like I was. I wish there was something would make them see how easy it is to ask for help from the one that can ultimately help them the most. Maybe if they open their eyes and see that if I can change, they can to. Maybe if I continue to do little things to better my life and worry about myself and try to be a good example... they will get the courage to look within themselves and better their lives.

I am not saying that finding the gospel is the ultimate step for everyone....But I do know that by making changes to better myself as an individual I have found myself. I have found the person that I have always been searching for. But for me, it truly started with prayer.