non existent to the world

He sits there quietly bothering no one. He lowers his eyes and courteously offers the sidewalk to those that rush past him to the entrance of the gas station. He is silent to the world. And to most of the world, he doesn't exist.

I know nothing about this man. I don't know what his name is or why he chose that gas station wall to perch on everyday. I don't know if he is a drug abuser, or drinks too much. I don't know why he is homeless, if he had a wife and kids, or how many siblings he has. I don't know if he was ever in jail, or if he ever went to war. I can't tell you if he lost everything in the hardships of economic failure. Or if he just simply chooses to live on the streets. I can only tell you of what I perceive. I can tell you that his hair is sandy blond underneath all of the dirt and grease that blankets it. I can tell you that the smell of his close is almost enough to make you vomit. Which tells me that they haven't been washed properly in months, if not longer. I can tell you that from a distance he looks black, but his skin is milky white underneath the layers of dirt and grime. He is a short man, standing not much taller than me. And in the Fall and Winter, he wears a coat that is much too big for his malnourished frame. But it is his, and he feels lucky to have it. He has more teeth actually missing, than he has left in his mouth. And I can tell by looking at him that his mind is always running. His light colored eyes dance across the parking lot as the world rushes by him day after day.

As I watch him study the world I can't help but wonder what goes through his mind. I wonder if he hears bits and pieces of our conversations and thinks about how selfish we are to complain about things we have in our everyday life. Things like not being able to sleep because our spouse was snoring, when he doesn't even have a home or bed to call his own. How hungry we are because our dinner from the night before was too dry to eat, when he had to pick his food from a trash can just so he could fill his belly. Things like needing a new wardrobe because we have been wearing this one for the past 3 yrs, while he has been wearing the same thing unwashed everyday for longer than we can even imagine. And I wonder if his heart saddens when we talk about the good things in our life such as promotions, fun filled weekends with families, vacations, and buying new things for our homes. I wonder if he pictures our lives as his and wishes that maybe things were different for him........


My heart saddens when I think of him because I wish he too could have the things that I do. Things like a family and good friends to warm his heart everyday. A bed and a place to call his own. A job to pay for things like a car, clothes, food, or a date night to dinner and the movies. I wish he had enough money that on most days he could have the option to buy lunch, or a drink from the gas station..... But out of all of the things I wish for him... I wish that I could help him. Sure, I can buy him a cup of coffee, or a sandwich from the gas station. But I wish I could do more than that. Because from what I know and have seen of him, he is a good man. He has never asked for anything from anyone. But if he gets anything at all, he is truly grateful. He doesn't expect, nor want anyone to feel sorry for him. And that to me is the type of person that deserves to be blessed with the things that we are.


I hope that this weekend as you spend time with the ones you love, you will think about how blessed you are to have the things you do in your life. And how blessed you are to not know the feeling of scrounging for food, or wondering where you are going to sleep that night. I hope that you can smile to yourself and thank God for what you have. And pray for those that are less fortunate. I know that if I were in their shoes, I would want someone to pray for me. And I hope you would too.