To New Beginnings!

Usually I don't blog about personal issues that I am having. But today I figure it might help. People often tell me " You are only 21 you should be having fun" or "Man what I would give to be your age again"...... Well Yes, I am young and yes I should be having fun. Which for the most part, I do. But honestly.... I feel much older than I am. I have never really been into the whole "drama" "high school" scene. Partying doesn't really strike me as great fun. Yeah every once in a while it's nice. But I can have just as much fun hanging out at home . As of lately though, I have been feeling like I have lost the adventure in my life... The part of me that makes experiences and makes memories. The part of me that makes me my own person......The part that feels complete. I want that back.
It's weird how one day you wake up and decide that your life could be better..... or you could be happier. But what do you do when you question what it is that makes you happy? How do you find happiness when suddenly things just don't feel right anymore? I'm not talking about the completion of another person... I am talking about within. A great friend once told me that "You can not make another person happy unless you yourself are happy with your life." But how do you do that when you don't even know where to start? And better yet, how do you make yourself happy even if it hurts the one's you love. I have never been a selfish person. But last year I went through some changes and decided then, that I was going to worry about myself first rather than others. And when I did that.... I was happier than I have ever been. But now..... I feel lost once again. How do I find that person that I once was? ....
These past few days have been extremely difficult for me. And everything has been going by so fast. It almost feels like I have been having an out of body experience for the past week. Because mentally I have been out of it. But, it's time to take the reigns once again! Its time to take control of my life! So...... Here is to New Beginnings! Here is to finding the happiness that I am lacking in my life!