Beautiful Mess

I'm ready to venture
Into the unknown.
Ready to capture
Opportunities shown.

Unsure of what I want
But knowing what I need,
This beautiful mess
Has again been unleashed.

The nights I haven't slept
The tears I have cried,
Just aren't worth enough
For one last try.

So forward I move
With a heart full of pain
As it's you I will lose
On this journey of self knowledge to gain.

We once shared a dream....
We created a world,
That was perfect it seemed
For a small town boy and this city girl.

Now the season's have changed
And since have we.
But the memories replay
Of how things used to be.

For now this complicated world
Is one we see differently.
A stubborn girl?
Well.... that's just me.

I tried to change....
I thought it was best.
But no matter what I'll remain,
A beautiful mess.

So with a heavy heart
And tear filled eyes,
A new beginning I start
As I leave you with goodbye.

I'm scared to move on
leaving you behind.
Because for so long,
Your life have been mine.

But our world's are just too different for our eyes to see the same.
And tho we gave it our best,
Its time to say goodbye to the one who'll remain,
Etched in the heart of this beautiful mess.


Who knows what the future has in store for us. But as for now....all I can say is thank you for being a part of my beautiful mess! You have no idea how much you have impacted my life! You have opened my eyes to a whole new side of me. And for that I can not thank you enough. So if things don't work out for us in the future... I will always be here for you as a friend.

Thank you Food Gods!

Ok so I have to go to the Fed Ex store in Draper once a week for work. And for like 3 months I was trying to figure out what they were going to put right behind the Fed Ex/Urban Blues lil' strip mall..... So about a month ago I figured it out! It's a new little restaurant called U Food Grill! And to me.... IT IS BRILLIANT!!!! And here is why. U Food Grill is a restaurant that takes dishes like rice bowls, wraps, HAMBURGERS, Sandwiches and FRENCH FRIES.... YES french fries and creates a healthy version of them! BRILLIANT RIGHT???. And I have been wanting to check it out for a while now... So FINALLY after reading the menu online today..... I bucked up and tried it!














I got the Chopstick Chicken Bowl and it is soo good! Its got a little kick to it... But its mostly sweet! My dish had brown rice, steamed broccoli, and George Forman (yes he eats there too! ) grilled chicken! And the fries.... Yes, I had to break down and try them.... and they were BETTER than regular fries! Man I think I am in love! I am so excited about this place! I can't wait to try other things there! It is a little spendy meaning $10 for the fries, a drink and the bowl, but to me its worth it! Because if I can go somewhere and eat something that is hearty and healthy.... Well then you pretty much had me at "Can I take your order?!"

Now the real deal breaker for me was this...... I count my calories. Because lets be honest... I was not blessed with the metabolism of a 17 yr old boy...... I pack on the pounds if I don't watch what I eat. And ever since I started to lose weight and eat better I have stuck with it because I found it's allot easier to count calories rather than workout twice as hard or count points like other diet programs. AND counting calories has helped me to be aware of what I am eating! .... Anyways I usually take in around 1500 calorie a day. And honestly its hard for me to find food that is not just the every day routine of chicken, Brussels sprouts, wheat bread, egg whites, spray butter, green salad etc. etc. etc. . That is why I am so stoked over this place!... So I have decided to break down for you what I have taken in today and why I think this place is brilliant ....

MY DAILY INTAKE SO FAR

• Strawberry Slimfast Optima - 190 calories
• Large banana - 105 calories
• french fries - 255 calories
• Chopstick Chicken Bowl - 438 calories

=988 calories!!

And I didn't even eat all of my bowl! I still have more than half of it left! Can you believe that?! I think that is great! I still have 500 + calories left to eat! And it's delicious!!!!!!!

Well I just had to share that with everyone! And if you are looking for healthy/hearty meals and are in or around Draper you should check it out! I dare you!

http://www.ufoodgrill.com/ Here is the link to check it out! For the UT menu click on the locations tab and then scroll to the bottom of the page to the Draper location and click the menu link. Hopefully the menu will sound as good to someone else as it did to me!

Have a lovely day filled with sunshine!

Hellooo Sweet Space!!!!!

OK so this week has been one of many anxious moments for me! I feel allot like this ...........
I kid you not.... I have literally been going crazy over all the stuff I want to accomplish right now! But I can finally get things done and feel great about it! Because usually I try and spend as much time with Justin as I can since we can't see each other whenever we want..... But Justin is going hunting for the weekend with his dad and brother so I figured would be the perfect time to Spring Clean! Yes I said the dreaded but long over due and needed words! Honestly I have never don't Spring Cleaning before but I really need to de-junk my room! And over the past few days I will think to myself "OK Nicki... lets just do this little thing to get it out of the way." But I know myself too well! I will "get in the zone" and then I won't be able to think straight or sleep with an unfinished project like that! So I have decided to fight the urge to get started and continue focusing on my health! ( Working out... it's my other battle I am determined to keep up on!) ...... But come this Thursday night.... Those boxes, clothes, shoes, and anything else taking up space better look out! Because here I come with the rubber gloves, garbage bags, and vacuum! So good bye clutter! Helllloooooooo Space I never knew I had! I can't wait to get started! I have even went out and bought baskets for things and made a list of exactly what I need to do! LOL Who would have thought that I would make this into an adventure! Who knows maybe I will post before and after pictures :)

Have a great day! Enjoy the beautiful sunshine and take it easy!

Barbed wire, campfire, and hobo dinners for one + Fudge

So this past weekend was different for me.... I went to Justin's so that was the same.... But my Uncle Ron asked me to do some art work on some stickers for his race car. I was pretty nervous yet excited because A. I have never done anything like that before. And B. Its a 1963 Nova that is a race car.... How awesome is that! :) Any ways... It took a while to do both sides but I thoroughly enjoyed it! He put the stickers on there to cover up the gobby signature of the artist. It was huge and so wanted to hide it. So he had me do some barbed wire around the edge of it. I am not going to lie though, I was a little scared to have some of the work go off of the sticker up onto the actual paint. But Ron assured me that is was a race car and unlike his other classic beauties, the paint didn't really matter.... It was the power under the hood that was the head turner! So after that I felt a little better!





Ron kept me entertained as usual by throwing my name into songs and feeding me all the chocolate I could ask for! He was doing stuff to the motor and getting the trailer ready so it was good to have some company. Some friends of his that I had not seen in years stopped in to see the car. So we all chit-chatted for a while and exchanged stories that always make our family laugh. And my uncles friend said it looked good! He said he wanted to find something for me to do on his car..... I am all up for the challenge! :)

I did it with permanent paint markers. I think it turned out pretty good! And I hope they are happy with it! While I was getting ready to switch colors I was shaking the pen up and it exploded all over me. It was pretty funny. Justin ( My Uncles friend) brought his daughters and they were watching me so it was pretty fun to hear them laugh as the ink went all over my sweatshirt and neck! The best part about it all was my Uncle asked me if I wanted an old hoodie to wear so mine wouldn't get ruined. And I figured I would be fine since I was not really getting greasy :) Well that back fired! It was funny!

On Saturday Justin and I decided to build a fire in his back yard. He has quite a bit of property and with the weather being as nice as it has been, I really was in the camping mood! So he dug us a pit and we got the wood piled on..... and lit some matches and the dang thing would not start even with gasoline. So Justin's dad got the propane and torch and burnt the wood and pit for a couple minutes and it was great after that! I made some hobo dinners because I thought they sounded delicious and they were.... but Justin's dog Fudge got to his plate before he got a chance to really taste it. I was sitting on the swing and she jumped up into the air and grabbed the plate right from my hands! I couldn't even believe it! But I guess I don't blame her! At least she has good taste in food! :)

Well other than those few things and family dinner at Grammy's house on Sunday that's about it! Can't beat a weekend with good food and good company! I hope everyone has a great week! Get out and enjoy the sunshine! I know I am going to!

To New Beginnings!

Usually I don't blog about personal issues that I am having. But today I figure it might help. People often tell me " You are only 21 you should be having fun" or "Man what I would give to be your age again"...... Well Yes, I am young and yes I should be having fun. Which for the most part, I do. But honestly.... I feel much older than I am. I have never really been into the whole "drama" "high school" scene. Partying doesn't really strike me as great fun. Yeah every once in a while it's nice. But I can have just as much fun hanging out at home . As of lately though, I have been feeling like I have lost the adventure in my life... The part of me that makes experiences and makes memories. The part of me that makes me my own person......The part that feels complete. I want that back.
It's weird how one day you wake up and decide that your life could be better..... or you could be happier. But what do you do when you question what it is that makes you happy? How do you find happiness when suddenly things just don't feel right anymore? I'm not talking about the completion of another person... I am talking about within. A great friend once told me that "You can not make another person happy unless you yourself are happy with your life." But how do you do that when you don't even know where to start? And better yet, how do you make yourself happy even if it hurts the one's you love. I have never been a selfish person. But last year I went through some changes and decided then, that I was going to worry about myself first rather than others. And when I did that.... I was happier than I have ever been. But now..... I feel lost once again. How do I find that person that I once was? ....
These past few days have been extremely difficult for me. And everything has been going by so fast. It almost feels like I have been having an out of body experience for the past week. Because mentally I have been out of it. But, it's time to take the reigns once again! Its time to take control of my life! So...... Here is to New Beginnings! Here is to finding the happiness that I am lacking in my life!

I dare you!

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte , Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the
nurses were going through his meager
possessions, they found this poem. Its
quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and
distributed to every nurse in the hospital

One nurse took her copy to Missouri . The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.

A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.


And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crabby
Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, . . not very wise,
Uncertain of habit . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . . . . . and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice . . 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . . the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding . . . . .
The long day to fill?
Is that what You're thinking? . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am, . . .. . . as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . as I eat at your will
I'm a small child of Ten . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . . .. who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty. . . . . .My heart gives a leap.
Remembering the vows . . . . .. that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . . . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . .. . . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, . Babies play 'round my knee, gain, we know children . . .
. . . My loved one and me ..

Dark days are upon me . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . . . . .. . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing . . . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age. . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles. . . . . . . . . . grace and vigor depart.
There is now a stone . . . . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . A young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells I remember the joys . . . . . . . . .
I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years . all too few. . . . . gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact .. . . . . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people . . . . . open and see..
Not a crabby old man Look Closer . . see . .. . . ME!!


Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside
without looking at the young soul within . .

We will all, one day, be there, too!


The best and most beautiful things
of this world can't be seen or
touched.
They must be felt by the
heart.


Please be kind to old folks,
hopefully you will be one
someday.

This poem was sent to me in an email by my aunt. I thought I would share it because I love the message. I believe that we often under estimate our seniors. We look past them and often forget that they are not dead yet, and that they are human too. More time should be taken with them. After all, I think we often forget that we are going to be in there shoes one day. Maybe we should try a little harder to put the old saying into words... "Treat others as you wish to be treated." Be kinder, take the time to ask them how their day is going, or even just flash a smile at them.

Patience and positive energy things that can go a long way. After working with senior citizens I have learned a whole new respect not only for them, but for everyone. You never know how your mood or attitude can truly effect someone. I learned quick that patience with anyone, and a smile can turn their day around.

So I am going to try a little harder to remember what the crabby old man said. I am going to try and look past his grumpy mood and try and see him as a person. After all, you never know what path someone has walked unless you ask.

So brighten some one's day! Take the time to smile at someone, or ask them how their day is. Let someone know that they matter to you..... I dare you!

WARM WEATHER!!!! :)

I can't help but smile when I walk outside! Warm weather!!!! It's so great! I hope it stays like this for a while!

My weekend was great as usual! I spent it with Justin like usual. We pretty much just lounged around for the most part.... We watched a couple of movies. Ratatouille and Open Season 2. He had never seen Ratatouille and wanted to... It really is a great show! I love it! I could watch it over and over! I think he liked it too!

Saturday night Justin and I went bowling with another couple Chaz and Frankie. Chaz and Justin grew up playin' sports together and he moved to Altamont a few years ago with his family after he got home from his mission. His family came to Grantsville over the weekend and he brought his girlfriend Frankie... So we decided to do a double date and go cosmic bowling! It was sooo much fun! He is way funny and his girlfriend is a sweetheart! It's usually just Justin and me on the weekends so it's nice every once in a while to go out with another couple. They might be coming up again this weekend so maybe we will do something! Hopefully! We talked about going down there this Summer and going camping! Frankie said she knows allot of pretty places to go to. So I am way excited for that! We didn't keep score but Justin and I both bowled really well.... He got like a 170 and I broke 100! Wahoo! That's good for me! I suck usually! :)

Sunday we just watched a little conference. And it really was a wonderful session! I think there are alto of people who needed to hear the some of the talks. There were allot of really good speakers. Some of my favorites were Oaks, and Ballard (from Saturday's session) and of course the prophet. I missed Eyring... Which I was a little disappointed about because he is my absolute favorite! But thankfully my dad recorded it! :) So I am sure I will be watching it soon!

We took a drive up South Willow Canyon later that day. Its really pretty up there. Well from where we saw. They still have the canyon shut down because of snow, so we only say a little bit of trees..... I can't wait to go camping up there this Summer! Justin said its beautiful up there!

Well that was a about it for my weekend! I hope everyone enjoys the beautiful weather! Hopefully we can keep it around long enough for a nice Easter day!