Road to recovery

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning. But anyone can start today and make a new ending."

As of lately that has become my new favorite saying. I have really been trying to find that woman who is deep down inside and do the things that make me happy. Yes... I HAVE been selfish. And yes.. I HAVE been putting my feelings first for a while now. But you know what? I really feel good about it. Because in doing so, I have found a sense of wholeness that I never knew was there.

A good friend of mine, and someone that I admire most in my life told me once that "You can never be truly happy with someone, if you yourself aren't happy first." And ever since he said that, it has stuck with me. I know that I am not perfect. I know I make mistakes on a daily basis. But I am becoming the best me that I can. I am proud of myself for finally being able to be selfish enough to put myself first. Because if I hadn't been... I wouldn't be in this state of mind. I wouldn't have "x'd" out the negative people in my life. And I wouldn't have been able to push forward.

I have started talking to a counselor. And tho I have only seen her once, I already feel a sense of relief. I can't wait to go back. It's nice to have an outsiders look on things.... Someone who can not judge your past or the people in it. But the thing I look forward to most, is learning the tools that make it easier to make wiser decision... To be happier in my mind, and heart. Vincent Van Gogh said that " As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed." ... I can't even begin to tell you how true this statement is for me. I honestly have felt a sense of peace in my heart. I do still struggle at times. But I have noticed that if I am positive in my thinking, and remember all the things I have to be grateful for I am much happier throughout the day.

I have started to feel confident in myself and the choices that I am making. I know that allot of people wouldn't understand some things about my life at the moment. But I don't expect them to. Nor do I care if they do. Because I know the people who care most about me will look past certain things, and see that I am in a good place in my life. I am surrounding myself with people who I feel bring out the best in me.... People who for the first time, have made me feel like I can be myself and be accepted. People who genuinely care about me. So if you are going to comment on the decisions I am making right now... Please keep your comments to yourself. I don't have the desire to listen to you tell me about the mistakes you think I am making. I am on the road to recovery... And I find myself smiling everyday. And that is all I can truly ask for.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Get out and enjoy the beautiful weather while it lasts!

Bye for now
xoxo- Nicki