reversed repulsion

They say that people walk in and out of your life for a reason, and in most cases.. those that walk out aren't worth letting back in. How does one decide if that is truly the case?

I am a firm believer in following the heart. It doesn't mean that it always puts me on the path that is right for me in the long run.. But how do we truly know if those paths that "feel right" at that moment... won't one day lead us to the path that is ultimately right for us? And even more... How do we truly know what is right for us?.... Doubts fill heads of even those who seem to have the "perfect life" or the "perfect relationship" every once in a while.

The last couple of weeks have been somewhat refreshing for me. Someone from my past whom I had ill feelings towards contacted me. As soon as I saw the name, my heart sunk into my stomach and my eyes welled with tears. I hadn't spoken to this person in over two years, and I hadn't thought anything positive about this person in longer than that. In talking with them, they apologized for all of the negative things said and done to me. They told me that I was a big part of their life and thanked me for all I had done.... I was at a loss for words because in conversations prior to this one, something was said to me that left a whole in my heart. Needless to say, I had been carrying that conversation with me for over two years, and it had been weighing me down for no one to see, just for me to feel.

As I read the apology, my stomach turned. I wasn't sure how to take it. I mean, obviously we didn't have the best track record. Nonetheless, I told this person that their apology meant a lot to me, especially considering what was said to me the last time we spoke.... They didn't remember saying those things, but apologized to me anyways and told me that none of it was true and that they were sorry for hurting me. I honestly thought my bitter taste for them would never go away, but I am proud to say that I no longer feel that stinging hatred towards this individual.

It's interesting how much time and maturity can heal a person. I don't think that either one of us are the same people that we were just a few years ago. I don't know if I would have been able to truly let go of that anger, had I not experienced "life" as it was after they closed the chapter of "our life".

I can't say what my future holds, or if this person will be a significant part of my life... All I know is that in talking to them, I was able to let go of a part of me and a past that I didn't know how to release myself from.

... People walk in and out of our lives for a reason.... The experiences we share with them help mold who we become..... And how they effect us in the present, determine whether or not they make it to our future. How far they make it exactly, is yet to be determined.


Uncertainty of what fills my future will always be in the back of my mind. But right now, in the present... I can confidently say that I am happy with life. I am happy with me.