Saving Graces

My girls. My forever friends. In being single and having numerous amounts of time to myself I have found myself having girls nights with Chelsea and Amanda quite often and I couldn't be happier about it. Especially since Amanda lives a little more than an hour away from Chelsea and I.

We have been making trips out to her house at least once a month for the past couple of months. It's nice out there. I tell people it's like a mini vacation for me. It's so quiet and peaceful in the country side. It's nice to get off the freeway and out of the city and roll your windows down and smell the country. Landscapes of green grass and corn fields surround her home in a town where the number of horses and cows double or triple the number of people.

We always end up making plans to "actually do something", but usually we end up just chit chatting and having a few drinks while enjoying the clean air and clear skies. Chelsea usually falls asleep in the recliner around 9-10 and Amanda and I stay up into the wee hours of the morning having some type of deep discussion.

I love going out there because it's always a stress free environment. I told Amanda last time I was out there that I feel like I need to go there at least once a month just to stay sane. :) Who knows if that is true, but at least I have an extra excuse to keep going out there!

Either way, our small group of three has had our ups and downs and our falling outs at different points in our lives. But those I believe are what have made us to be such great friends. We have been through a lot together. We have all strayed from our paths of life that go side by side.. But Our lives mismatching and being so different from one another is what makes it interesting. Because we can be ourselves and follow our heart and desires, but then meet up and mesh so well.

We have the type of friendship that lasts forever. They will always be my two friends that I consider to be my greatest. I love that our lives intertwined together in some weird way when we were younger than 10 yrs old, and yet today we still remain the greatest of friends. Every time we are together a memory filled with smiles and laughter is made. And that, is what I cherish most about what we have together. I love the fact that I don't know what my future holds. But that I can ALWAYS count on these two girls to be my rock and make me laugh until my guts hurt no matter what trials I face in life.

These girls and my family, are my saving grace!

For the better, for the worse.

Life is crazy, like a whirl wind of never ending chaos. But in the midst of all the chaos, there is so much good. Those things are what reassures me that things really will be OK.

Living at home is now "what I know". I may not be there a whole lot, but I enjoy seeing my family when I'm there. My sister had her twins on July 21st and I love them individually so much. My heart has now been split into three. Kayson, is so calm and gentle hearted. He smiles all the time, and he just has this sweet nature about him. Jayden is a little ball of fire :) and knows how to work the system already to get what she wants. We call her the drama queen :). And of course, there is Jaxon. He is still my little buddy. He is getting so big so fast. He talks all the time, and he is still so full of life. I love watching him get older. But as I look at the babies, I get sad because it makes me realize how fast time passes by. I remember last summer how little Jax was and it makes me realize how short life really is.

I've been spending a lot of my time with girlfriends, which I feel is good for me. I have been in relationships for most of the past six years. I forgot what it was like to be single. The girls are some of greatest friends I could ever ask for and I have become extremely close to them. They are honest, genuine, and have great energy. They may be a little wild and swear like sailors.. But they have proven in just a few short months to be people that I want in my life forever.

I still think about Cacey, and all the things I miss about our life. I still love him in a way that I have no one else, and I think I always will love him differently. I miss the girls, and Tank. I miss his smile, his long curled eye lashes and the way his neck smelled when I hugged him. I miss being with him in the beginning when we were crazy about each other. But I am beginning to come to the realization that this is just the way it's going to be. I can't say forever, because I don't think anyone ever knows that. But for now, for a while... It's for good.

I've learned in the past three months that it's OK to cry. It's OK to show how I really feel inside. I have been told many times that I am the happiest person that most know and that my happiness radiates. It feels good to hear that, but at the same time; it's not how I feel in side a lot of the time. But I have learned that surrounding myself with people who make me forget the pain that I feel for things, is what radiates that energy. It's a good reminder that I have a lot more good in my life than I think. So in honor of all the good things I have in my life at the moment, here are some memories that warm my heart.