It's sad to admit that sometimes it take horrific events to put ourselves in check and realize that maybe things aren't so bad; to appreciate what we have... what God has blessed out lives with.
It seems the older that I get, the more events such as the bombing, affect me. I remember when 9/11 hit, I was at a loss for words. But the older I got, the more I understood... and the more I began to feel. I started paying attention to the headlines in the news. I started to imagine what the family members felt about those who lost their lives that tragic day. I think at the young age of 13, it didn't effect me to an extent beyond remorse and sorrow, because I hadn't started thinking about my future yet. Now that I am older, I am affected by tragedies in ways I have never been able to imagine.
Monday afternoon was a regular Monday. I remember thinking to myself that I would rather be anywhere else than at work. "Boston Marathon Bomb Explosions" splashed across headlines: it was that moment that my though process changed about my day. Chaos had erupted and video footage of the hell that was happening reached me thousands of miles away. No longer did my mediocre day matter. No longer, had I wished to be anywhere else.
I thought to myself for the next couple of hours: how could something like this happen? Who would do something like this? Why would someone desire to inflict such pain and chaos in the lives of others? Questions like that when you are young, are hard to clarify to yourself in your own mind. Meaning, even when the answer is present, its still hard to grasp.
As I ask myself those questions now at the age of 25, I better understand my emotions and the reasoning behind them. Things like 9/11, the bombing in Boston, shootings in public settings happen because this is the reality of the world that we live in.
Life is crazy. Tragedy is a double edged sword. In the times where all is lost, we truly are found. We shed tears of sadness and tears of grief for the devastation that affects the world around us; and even though we may not directly feel the impact of a tragedy, we are impacted as a society. We are impacted as unit.
Sadness is felt for those left crying and cursing the world for the taking the life of someone that they loved. Anger is felt towards the person or persons responsible for the devastation that has shaken our communities... and confusion is felt regarding the heartless acts displayed against people whose lives were cut short.
But in the time of sadness, anger, and confusion a light is shed on the world... to those who choose to grasp it. A light is shed to make you appreciate the life you have; to be grateful that you aren't the one living in that moment of hell.
Tears sting my eyes at the thought of experiencing a moment such as that: losing someone that I love. having my life cut short before it has truly even begun. waking up and living life without TJ, who is my best friend and the person I desire to share my life with.
I can't imagine something happening to the ones I love most. I can't imagine Jaxon, Jayden, or Kason being taken away from this earth. I don't want to know what it is like to experience total devastation, watching my world and community as it is, crumble around me in an instant. I pray each and every day that I may never have to experience anything like that. But even though I pray, one thing is certain; nothing is guaranteed.
My heart aches for those in mourning. My thoughts and prayers are with those that are angry and demand answers to their questions of "who, what, where, and why". And my compassion for what they must feel, is endless; its hard to even imagine.
My gratitude is endless for everything I have been blessed with; Because even when I think my day is horrible, I need to remember that I am alive and surrounded by people that love me.
Be grateful for what you have, life is short, and sometimes we forget just how short it really is. <3
