Things jump out at me lately, things that remind me of you. It makes me wonder if they are signs like some people would think, or just merely a coincidence because you are subconsciously on my mind. Either way, I don't mind it.
I find myself doing that more often than not these days. Thinking of you. Not in the "I love you, I need you" kind of way. More of the "I wish you were here so I could hold your hand and tell you something funny that happened today kind of way."
You have this strange way of making me completely comfortable and calm, though it hasn't always been that way. I think its comfortable now because I am comfortable with who I am.
I never would have thought in a hundred years that our relationship would have developed into what it has. Deep. Honest.... A real friendship. I value what we have, even if it is somewhat of a twisted friendship. Weird to the outside eye, but understandable to me because I feel its raw honesty.
I prefer it that way. It feels untouchable, free from others to assume what "this is" or what "it should be". It feels like it is the one relationship I have with someone that isn't evaluated. It flows effortlessly without being forced. Its beautiful because it's real, honest, and private. And even though I miss you, I expect nothing from you. I am comfortable from where I stand. I am comfortable with our twisted friendship, even if it is misinterpreted from the outside eye.
I am comfortable missing you, because I know you miss me too.... Even if it isn't in the "I love you I need you" kind of way.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Happy Birthday Mama!!!!
Happy Birthday to the most beautiful, genuine, loving woman I know.. My mama!
Every day my mom sets a great example for me. There is no other mom that be a better or a more fitting mother than the one I have. She is the perfect mom for me. She is loving, kind, genuine, spiritual, accepting, understanding, compassionate and a hero.
She loves her children and grand children enough to put us first. She has taught my sister and me to value the one we love and the families in which we create. I love knowing that I have such a great example of marriage to look at and think that "Maybe one day, I will find someone to share my life with, and have a love like my parents do." My mom married her best friend. She and I always joke about how big of a stud my dad is.. But the truth is, neither one of us are kidding. My dad is a stud, and I love knowing that my mom is so in love with my dad. They are happy, which in return makes me happy.
My mom has also been my emotional dragon slayer since day one. I can't even begin to tell you all how many times my mother has rescued me, it started as young as three and four years old. I loved the days when she'd get off work early to take my sister and me to lunch...Or when she started going to work extremely early just so she could pick me up from day care on time because she knew how much I hated it. I wasn't old enough to tell time yet, but my mom gave me a watch and told me what time she would be there to pick me up. "When the little hand is on the 2 and the big hand is on the 9 I will be here to get you".... I know it still gets to her because she still tears up when she tells me how heart breaking it was to see my "crocodile tears" as I held on to the chain linked fence waiting for her like it was the end of the world.... My mom was also the person to give me some of the most important advice that I have ever received. While going through my first "real" heartbreak she said "I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's absolutely horrible. But Nicki, you will never truly know what love is until you have had your heart broken at least once, and broken at least one heart.".... I didn't understand it at that moment, but she was absolutely right. That day was a milestone for me. It opened my eyes to show me that even when I was sluffing school, and swearing on the phone for the first time in front of my mother... She would be there and love me unconditionally. That is also the same month I gaged my own ears. I remember trying to hide it from her, until I laid my head in her lap one night when I was crying from a broken heart. She just pulled my hair back in the way mothers do to comfort their child and said "Nicki..." Even though I could hear the discomfort in her voice, she said nothing else because she knew that all I needed was for her to do exactly as she was, comfort me.
My mom has put up with a lot from me, but she has never been one to judge me or the things that I have done. For that, I am truly grateful. She loves me unconditionally and accepts me for the good and the bad. She might not agree with all of the decisions that I make, or my lifestyle choices, but she loves me as I am.
Everyday I notice something about myself that was influenced by my mama. Where it be the way that I lick my fingers to smooth down my fly aways, my green eyes, or my love for Life time and country love songs. My mom is also one of the most compassionate and loving people you will ever meet. I don't know anyone else that loves animals more than she does. We have nick named her the "tree hugger" because she hates to even think about an animal (even a mouse) being hurt.... I get that from her too. :)
I love my mom because she loved me enough to bring me into this world. I love her for the woman that she was, is and will continue to be. I love her for the great examples she sets each day and for the joy she brings to my life. I love my mom for teaching me to be the woman that I am, and for standing by me as I figure out the woman I want to be. My mom truly is the best mom I could ever ask for. I am so thankful that I picked the perfect family for me. I know I am not perfect, but I have the perfect parents to love me, imperfections and all.
Happy Birthday to my mama. I could never love another mother as much as I love mine.
Love,
Her baby
Every day my mom sets a great example for me. There is no other mom that be a better or a more fitting mother than the one I have. She is the perfect mom for me. She is loving, kind, genuine, spiritual, accepting, understanding, compassionate and a hero.
She loves her children and grand children enough to put us first. She has taught my sister and me to value the one we love and the families in which we create. I love knowing that I have such a great example of marriage to look at and think that "Maybe one day, I will find someone to share my life with, and have a love like my parents do." My mom married her best friend. She and I always joke about how big of a stud my dad is.. But the truth is, neither one of us are kidding. My dad is a stud, and I love knowing that my mom is so in love with my dad. They are happy, which in return makes me happy.
My mom has also been my emotional dragon slayer since day one. I can't even begin to tell you all how many times my mother has rescued me, it started as young as three and four years old. I loved the days when she'd get off work early to take my sister and me to lunch...Or when she started going to work extremely early just so she could pick me up from day care on time because she knew how much I hated it. I wasn't old enough to tell time yet, but my mom gave me a watch and told me what time she would be there to pick me up. "When the little hand is on the 2 and the big hand is on the 9 I will be here to get you".... I know it still gets to her because she still tears up when she tells me how heart breaking it was to see my "crocodile tears" as I held on to the chain linked fence waiting for her like it was the end of the world.... My mom was also the person to give me some of the most important advice that I have ever received. While going through my first "real" heartbreak she said "I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's absolutely horrible. But Nicki, you will never truly know what love is until you have had your heart broken at least once, and broken at least one heart.".... I didn't understand it at that moment, but she was absolutely right. That day was a milestone for me. It opened my eyes to show me that even when I was sluffing school, and swearing on the phone for the first time in front of my mother... She would be there and love me unconditionally. That is also the same month I gaged my own ears. I remember trying to hide it from her, until I laid my head in her lap one night when I was crying from a broken heart. She just pulled my hair back in the way mothers do to comfort their child and said "Nicki..." Even though I could hear the discomfort in her voice, she said nothing else because she knew that all I needed was for her to do exactly as she was, comfort me.
My mom has put up with a lot from me, but she has never been one to judge me or the things that I have done. For that, I am truly grateful. She loves me unconditionally and accepts me for the good and the bad. She might not agree with all of the decisions that I make, or my lifestyle choices, but she loves me as I am.
Everyday I notice something about myself that was influenced by my mama. Where it be the way that I lick my fingers to smooth down my fly aways, my green eyes, or my love for Life time and country love songs. My mom is also one of the most compassionate and loving people you will ever meet. I don't know anyone else that loves animals more than she does. We have nick named her the "tree hugger" because she hates to even think about an animal (even a mouse) being hurt.... I get that from her too. :)
I love my mom because she loved me enough to bring me into this world. I love her for the woman that she was, is and will continue to be. I love her for the great examples she sets each day and for the joy she brings to my life. I love my mom for teaching me to be the woman that I am, and for standing by me as I figure out the woman I want to be. My mom truly is the best mom I could ever ask for. I am so thankful that I picked the perfect family for me. I know I am not perfect, but I have the perfect parents to love me, imperfections and all.
Happy Birthday to my mama. I could never love another mother as much as I love mine.
Love,
Her baby
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